You Know You’re A Health Nut When…
It is funny how the older I get the more concerned I have become about my health. Now I can’t say that I subscribe to all of these but I found myself reflecting back on how bad I used to be about my health and nutrition! And I can’t tell you how many of #2 I ate in my 20’s!
1. It’s not a meal unless it has something green in it.
Even your breakfast contains kale. Especially kale. In fact, you’re probably eating kale right now.
2. And you don’t consider processed goods a food source anymore.
What is this shit?
3. Life before almond milk is unimaginable.
Remember when you used to drink soy?
4. And you can’t believe people are still drinking this:
And you have to count to 10 every time someone tells you milk is essential for calcium. Because cows specifically produce milk to nourish people, right?
5. Ani Phyo, Kris Carr, Kathryn Budig, Brendan Brasier, among others, are demi-gods in your eyes.
The kings and queens of the health world, to which you can only aspire. I mean, look at Kris Carr – the woman has cancer and she looks better than you do.
6. And you recognize Gwyneth for being a healthy living guru…
…more than an actress.
7. Your friends surprise you on your birthday with this:
Decadent super chocolate-candy birthday day with whipped cream and extra icing…
8. But you would genuinely prefer this:
Raw cacao, avocado, coconut oil, lucuma and maca cake with an almond base. Mmmm…
9. You personal library looks like this:
You might not be certified, but, let’s face it, you’re basically a nutritionist. You’re pretty sure you know more than most health professionals. You’ve probably read more books on health than you did for your degree. And this time, because you actually wanted to.
10. You know the ‘Clean Fifteen’ and ‘Dirty Dozen’ off by heart…
…so you can have your organic produce and save money too.
11. And in the supermarket you eye what people are buying, and judge them for it.
All that processed meat and sugar… really?
12. You don’t know how you ever got through the day before you started practicing yoga/ meditation
… and you wish sun salutations were more acceptable in public spaces, like the middle of the office, classroom, train, bus, supermarket, shop floor, family gathering…
13. And if you don’t already teach yoga…
… then you’re probably thinking about it, whether day dreaming about a career change, or as a straight up life path.
14. You positively make sure that you eat chocolate everyday.
Because theobroma cacao is a superfood, after all, so you absolutely HAVE to have it. Every. Single. Day.
It’s for your health, okay?
15. You get stressed when you can’t sleep, because you’ve read about how bad sleep deprivation is for your body.
This is one of the worst possible things that can happen.
And then you get stressed because your stressed, which is even worse, so you’re basically just going to die now, regardless of diet and exercise.
16. Saturated fat doesn’t faze you.
You’ve heard the latest studies and are positively in love with coconut. Cook with coconut oil? Of course! A spoonful of coconut oil in smoothies? Yes please!
17. You rarely get colds…
.. with all your green juices/immuni-teas/raw ginger/other healthy techniques, you have a superhuman ability to fight off winter illnesses.
18. Though you have, at some point, realized that you suffer from Candida.
Long, long list of ambiguous symptoms, of which you have three, pertaining to many possible disorders/causes…
… but it must be Candida!
19. Whole Foods/Planet Organic is your personal mecca.
You still remember the first time you went in one, and you were like, there’s an entire supermarket dedicated to food like this?! You still walk around it in awe and can’t believe some of the things you can pick up there.
20. You would rather spend money on organic food/ yoga classes than new clothes.
And can also justify this spending in ‘I don’t smoke/ binge drink/ eat fast food, but if I did, I would spend this much, therefore it’s okay to buy this fresh juice/mochi/umeboshi plum/raw food anything”
C’mon. You know you’ve done this.
22. …than these:
Reconstituted potato deep fried in rancid oil with added chemicals? I think I’ll pass.
24. …than this bar.
Delicious nutritious drinks that will give you a healthy glow and not lead to decisions you regret, and looking like hell the next day, please.
25. Your friends think your crazy.
If you don’t live in California (so I believe), your health obsession can make you feel pretty lonely. But you don’t care because you feel and look fabulous. And those special people in your life love you anyway.
26. You have strong opinions on Raw Foodism, Paleo, Veganism, 80/10/10.
And you get agitated when people don’t see eye to eye with you.
27. No matter how healthy you think you are…
… there’ll always be someone, online or not, telling you you’re diet is appalling for still eating carbohydrates/animal protein/fat/sugar/raw/cooked/gluten/dairy/vegan/processed foods.
You’ve seen far too many show downs on forums and MindBodyGreen. Best just to listen to your own body, for a change.
28. But ultimately, it’s a blessing to experience this beautiful world…
… and whatever healthy means to you, you want to honor your body, regardless of its physical shape, ability or size, that allows you live in it.